How to Make Career Decisions After Having Children

My husband received a really good job offer.

The kind that makes you sit down and seriously consider what it could mean for your professional future.

The role was interesting, the offer was attractive, and there were good reasons to consider accepting it.

But there was one rather significant complication.

The company operated across different time zones, and the role would frequently require meetings with colleagues in the United States.

Now, we're based in Europe.

And if you're familiar with time zones, you can probably see where this is going.

Our children are still small.

With two working parents, the time between daycare pickup and bedtime is an important part of our family life.

It's when we play, have dinner, catch up and spend time together.

And the proposed working arrangement would have meant that my husband regularly missed much of that time.

Not occasionally, because of an exceptional deadline or an important meeting.

Regularly.

We could have reorganised our household to accommodate it. I could have taken on more of the evening responsibilities, or we could have arranged additional help.

But that wouldn't have solved the actual problem.

My husband wanted to spend time with our children, too.

And that was something we weren't prepared to trade away for this particular opportunity.

So, despite the attractive offer, he decided not to accept it.

I think this experience captures why professional opportunities become more complicated after having children.

Before making a decision, we tend to examine the things that are easiest to compare.

Salary. Job title. Responsibilities. Company. Future career opportunities.

But once you have a family, another set of questions becomes equally important.

What would this opportunity require from our household?

How would our daily routines change?

What would we gain professionally, and what would we be giving up personally?

Could we change the conditions to make the opportunity manageable?

And perhaps most importantly, is this the right time?

In The Career Framework, I introduce five dimensions for evaluating professional opportunities:

Career upside. Family cost. Timing. Reversibility. Future options.

My husband's offer had significant professional upside.

But the family cost was also substantial, and the timing wasn't right for us.

Perhaps in a few years, when our children are older and our family routines look different, a similar opportunity would be worth considering.

But right now, the answer was no.

Not because his career is less important since becoming a father.

And not because we believe parents should automatically turn down demanding professional opportunities.

But because we understood what accepting this particular role would mean for the life we're trying to build.

Sometimes, making a good career decision means recognising that you don't have to accept every good career opportunity.