Family & Household
Outsourcing Childcare Doesn't Mean Outsourcing Parenthood
I had a nanny from the age of nine months. Here's what I remember.
My mother worked night shifts.
My father was studying at university alongside his job.
They were both building their careers, and they needed help.
So, from the age of nine months, I had a nanny.
Looking at this arrangement from an adult perspective, it's easy to describe it as outsourcing childcare.
My parents paid someone to look after their child while they worked.
But that isn't how I experienced it.
For me, she was never simply childcare.
She was a kind lady who cooked wonderful meals, played with me and told me stories about her travels around the world.
I found those stories fascinating.
She became one of the biggest inspirations behind my love of travelling.
We stayed in touch well into my adulthood.
And when she reached the end of her life, I was one of the last people who had the opportunity to say goodbye.
To my parents, she had initially been paid help.
To me, she became someone who had an enormously positive influence on my life.
Why do we sometimes talk about childcare as though it takes something away from our children?
I understand that leaving a child in someone else's care can be an emotional decision.
I also understand that not every childcare arrangement is positive, and finding someone trustworthy is essential.
But I find the underlying assumption that additional caregivers necessarily diminish the parent-child relationship worth challenging.
What if, under the right circumstances, they can add something?
Another person to learn from.
Another relationship built on trust.
Another perspective on the world.
Another adult who cares about the child.
We don't have to do everything ourselves.
I think this conversation becomes particularly important for dual-career households.
If parents want to pursue their careers, spend quality time with their children, maintain their relationship and preserve some space for themselves, additional support might be part of making that possible.
For some families, that support comes from grandparents.
For others, it's daycare, a nanny, a babysitter or another arrangement.
There isn't one universally correct solution.
But I would encourage parents to look beyond the question of how many hours someone else spends with their child.
Consider the quality of the care, the relationships being built and what the arrangement makes possible for the family.
My own childhood taught me that a person can enter your life through a practical childcare arrangement and become someone who helps shape the person you grow into.
And I think that's a perspective worth sharing.